Just Give Me a Reason
by aumontalc
Summary: Shortly after Sirius's death, Tonks confesses her love to Remus. He proceeds to tell her all the reasons they should not be together.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor any of the characters in the series.**

**A/N: This is my first Harry Potter fic. I've always loved the Tonks/Remus dynamic. I wish Rowling had written more about them. I would have loved to see how their fights had played out. Let me know what you think. Thanks!**

* * *

Nymphadora Tonks could rock any look. Long, white blonde tresses with tan skin, a short, neon pink do, or she could even moonlight as an ashen faced, black haired goth. Tonight, however, she was in no mood to experiment with her appearance. She did not care how she looked, didn't even want to give the energy to try. Currently, she sported shoulder length, mousy brown hair, an unextraordinary and somewhat long nose, and pale face that had been given to her upon birth. Her natural vivaciousness and bubbliness had completely disappeared. Tonks could not find the will or desire to care about anything. For the first time in her life, she was allowing herself to wallow in abject misery.

And she had plenty good reason to do so. She had spilled out her heart to the man she loved only mere hours before. New tears streamed down her face as she remembered his cold and abrupt rejection. Her mind went back and replayed the scene once more.

* * *

Tonks whistled as she entered the door to Grimmauld Place. Her heart the lightest it had been since her cousin Sirius had passed away. Today, she would tell Remus. Tell him how much she loved him, how her every waking thought was about him, how she couldn't stand to be apart from him, how she wanted their future to start right away. Heck, she wasn't adverse to the possibility of popping the question to him tonight.

She had taken special care of her appearance, going with the long, wavy blonde hair that she knew Remus preferred. She remembered the looks that he had surreptitiously thrown her way when she had attended a TriWizard celebration party with that particular hair style. He might not have admitted his admiration out loud, but his eyes and body language told her that he liked how she looked. Tonks would do anything to please her man.

Her smile slackened a little as she remembered why she felt brave enough to confess in the first place. Weeks prior, while mourning Sirius, she and Remus had been drinking and reminiscing...

_"Sirius was always a ladies man. Bloke could get any girl he wanted," Remus chuckled. "He didn't even have to try that hard. It was the same with James. Although, he did have some trouble catching Lily. Peter and I had the worst luck when it came to the ladies. We weren't exactly what you'd call smooth."_

_Tonks had laughed a little louder than normal. Maybe it was the alcohol or how she felt about him, but most likely a little of both that made her whisper, "I think your luck has changed for the better, because this lady would sure like you to be her man."_

_Remembered merriment left Remus's face as he stared down at her, biting his lip. "You don't mean that," he replied, his eyes questioning her meaning._

_Her heart almost beat out of her chest for Remus was closer to her than he'd ever been before. His gaze flitted to her mouth before moving back up to her eyes. "Yes...yes, I do," she said breathlessly. "You're everything a girl could want. Brave, smart, handsome..."_

_She would have continued with her list, but Remus's tongue in her mouth prevented her from doing so. Tonks responded by wrapping her arms tight around him and pulling him closer. _

_Remus suddenly pulled back, his breath coming out in huffs and puffs. "Sorry, I shouldn't have taken advantage like that."_

_"The only thing I'm sorry about is that you stopped," she said before bringing his lips to hers once more._

The bittersweet memory from two weeks before faded as she continued to set the table for her dinner with Remus. Although the loss of her cousin had been painful, something good had come from it. She had learned that if you love someone, it was best to let them know. Life was too short to wait around. She didn't want to wait one minute more to start spending the rest of her life with him.

Tonks heard the door being opened and shut. Smiling, she finished lighting the candles with her wand.

"What's all this?" Remus asked, his eyes quietly taking in the scene from the candlelit table to a dolled up Tonks in a low cut red dress.

Leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, sticking her bust out, and trying her hardest to look sexy, Tonks smiled and said, "I thought you might like to relax and have a nice dinner."

"Tonks, I don't think this is a good idea..."

"What idea?" Tonks asked, trying desperately to cover and get him to stay. "This is just a nice, friendly meal between friendly friends."

Remus shot her a skeptical look. "Really? It doesn't quite look that way to me with the candle light, flowers, and uncorked bottle of wine."

Better to fess up, she thought. "You caught me," she said, flashing her most charming smile that generally helped her get out of self-imposed messes.

Remus gulped and ran his hand through his thin hair. "Look, Tonks, I made a mistake a couple of weeks ago. I had no business pushing myself on you. You're emotionally vulnerable with all the craziness that's been going on lately. It was a damn foolish thing for me to do. I hope that you'll forgive me."

Tonks winced inwardly. Putting on her brave face, she argued, "It might have not been the best timing, but I'm so glad we did that. I don't know if you've come to realize, but for a while now I've thought of you as more than a friend. In fact, I..."

Holding up his hand, Remus interrupted, "Don't say it. For the love of Merlin, don't. I can't take it."

Ignoring him, she forged boldly ahead. "I love you. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but I've loved you for a while now. Before Sirius died, before the battle. I think you feel the same way about me. Am I right?"

Sitting down, Remus put his head in his hands. Rushing to his side, Tonks placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Don't Tonks, it's not right."

"How's it not right? We...we love each other," she murmured painfully.

"You don't see what's wrong with this situation?"

"No, no I don't."

"You refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room? The really huge, ugly, unmovable one?"

Comprehension slowly dawned on Tonks, but she refused to accept what he was hinting at. No, she would feign ignorance and make him say it. "What obstacle could our love not face?"

What Remus said next put her in a state of complete shock. The anger and aggression in his voice was something she'd never heard before from him. "Oh, I don't know. How about the fact that I'm a damn werewolf!"

"Remus," she implored, gently touching his chest. "That's never mattered to me."

Shrugging off her hand, he stood up and walked to the other side of the room. "Well, it should. You'd never be...I could never keep you safe."

"We could find a way around that. I'll talk to Professor McGonagall. She might have some ideas that could help us."

"There's no point. You and I will never be together. I won't risk it."

Anger began to boil in Tonk's veins. "You won't risk it? How dare you? Do I not get a say in this?" she asked waspishly.

"No, you don't. You clearly don't know what is best for you. You asked me if I love you. I do. You bloody well know that I do. And it's because I love you that I refuse to give us a chance. How could I say that I love you and yet subject you to terror every month? I will not do that. I just won't. Now, will you drop this already Tonks?"

Her temper getting the best of her, she reached for her wand. Muttering a spell and flicking her wrist, one of the wine glasses smashed against the wall next to Remus's head.

"Merlin's beard, woman! Are you trying to kill me? Or just trying to prove that your immaturity is just another reason why we're not suited for one another?"

"My...my immaturity?" Tonks asked, raising her wand yet again.

"Put down the wand Tonks. Surely, it hasn't escaped your notice that there are quite a few years between us? I was in Hogwarts while you were still being rocked in a cradle."

Tonks waved a dismissive hand at him. "Oh, who cares? You keep bringing up things that just don't matter. So what if you're a few years older than me. It's probably best that it's that way. Time has made you more level headed. You'll help me be more even keel and I'll help keep you young."

Remus shook his head. "Is nothing I say ever going to sink in? We're too different. It can't work. It's not going to work. I don't even want to try to see if it will."

All of Tonks's sadness, anger and frustration began to manifest itself in tears. Covering her face with her hands, she began to weep at the bleakness of her future.

"Tonks, don't do this. Don't cry over me. I'm not worth it," Remus said in a vain attempt to console her. "I wish we could work. I truly do. If I hadn't been attacked by Fenrir, if I wasn't so much older than you, if I were good enough to love you. But all of these ifs don't change anything. As much as I love you and want you, it's best for everyone involved that we're not together."

"No, not for everyone. Not for me. Can't you just give us a chance? Just one chance?" she said on a sob.

"And have you hurt one full moon when I have no control and I can't protect you?"

"I don't need you to protect me. I can protect myself," Tonks asserted.

Sighing, Remus said, "There's nothing left for us to discuss. Nothing you can say will make me change my mind. I really do want what's best for you. I hope that in time you can find a man close to your own age who's not damaged like me. Someone who'll make you happy and give you everything you want. I just can't be that person for you."

Those were the last words he'd said before leaving. Hours later, Tonks was still crying. Her heart mourning the loss of the only man she'd ever loved.


End file.
